Santa riding his sleigh, Skyrim style.
By Santa
You youngsters and your "video games" never cease to bewilder me. Every holiday season since the 90's, my elves have been coming to me more and more with your wishlists, telling me that instead of toys, kids these days are wanting "video games." Now call me old fashioned, but I'd fancy a brand new train set over a complicated, confusing box with a big green "X" on it.
Anyway, so this Christmas I decided to try one of these "video games" myself to see what the fuss is all about. Some silly medieval game called "Skyrim."
The back of the box shows a snowy landscape not unlike my own home at the North Pole, so it looks somewhat promising at the least. After one of the programming elves show me which button is "start," I finally get the darn game to start. These darn remote controls are just too complicated! What the Jack Frost is a "right bumper?" Monopoly was never this confusing. What's this? Where am I supposed to be? I see people, but they aren't responding to my button pressing. The camera just keeps flailing around! Oh wait a minute...I am seeing through the eyes of my character? If that's the case then why can't I see my character's feet? Where are we going anyway? Who are these two fellows in handcuffs talking to me?
My goodness, from the scary looks on their faces, they look like they probably belong on the naughty list.Well it looks like we're getting off the hayride now. The two naughty-list fellows are being apprehended by the authorities, it seems. Well it serves them right for looking so scary! Wait, what's this? One of the guardsman just approached me and said, "Who are you?" and now suddenly the game is telling me to create my character? It says I can change my character's face, so does this mean I have been faceless up to this point? Well that's just disgusting! This is a disgusting game! Wait a minute, are those beards?
(Hours of playing SKYRIM later...)
Ho ho ho! What a WONDROUS game! I've only been playing for two hours, and already I've killed a dragon, played tag with some village children, and discovered a dungeon filled with presents! As a matter of fact, I'm already on my way to the college of magic! It warms my jolly old belly full of jelly to see a video game encourage children to go to college. Ho ho ho and there's still so much more to do in this wonderful winter wonderland! I take back what I said earlier, kids. Video games are actually pretty- HEY! What happened to my character? Why won't he move? Am I frozen? What's this little message? "Game File Corrupted??" WHAT?? Jingle Bells!! All that work for nothing. Just when I was getting into it too.. Oh well, let's wrap this gift up.
Santa gives "Skyrim" 3 HO HO HO's! out of 5.
You youngsters and your "video games" never cease to bewilder me. Every holiday season since the 90's, my elves have been coming to me more and more with your wishlists, telling me that instead of toys, kids these days are wanting "video games." Now call me old fashioned, but I'd fancy a brand new train set over a complicated, confusing box with a big green "X" on it.
Anyway, so this Christmas I decided to try one of these "video games" myself to see what the fuss is all about. Some silly medieval game called "Skyrim."
The back of the box shows a snowy landscape not unlike my own home at the North Pole, so it looks somewhat promising at the least. After one of the programming elves show me which button is "start," I finally get the darn game to start. These darn remote controls are just too complicated! What the Jack Frost is a "right bumper?" Monopoly was never this confusing. What's this? Where am I supposed to be? I see people, but they aren't responding to my button pressing. The camera just keeps flailing around! Oh wait a minute...I am seeing through the eyes of my character? If that's the case then why can't I see my character's feet? Where are we going anyway? Who are these two fellows in handcuffs talking to me?
My goodness, from the scary looks on their faces, they look like they probably belong on the naughty list.Well it looks like we're getting off the hayride now. The two naughty-list fellows are being apprehended by the authorities, it seems. Well it serves them right for looking so scary! Wait, what's this? One of the guardsman just approached me and said, "Who are you?" and now suddenly the game is telling me to create my character? It says I can change my character's face, so does this mean I have been faceless up to this point? Well that's just disgusting! This is a disgusting game! Wait a minute, are those beards?
(Hours of playing SKYRIM later...)
Ho ho ho! What a WONDROUS game! I've only been playing for two hours, and already I've killed a dragon, played tag with some village children, and discovered a dungeon filled with presents! As a matter of fact, I'm already on my way to the college of magic! It warms my jolly old belly full of jelly to see a video game encourage children to go to college. Ho ho ho and there's still so much more to do in this wonderful winter wonderland! I take back what I said earlier, kids. Video games are actually pretty- HEY! What happened to my character? Why won't he move? Am I frozen? What's this little message? "Game File Corrupted??" WHAT?? Jingle Bells!! All that work for nothing. Just when I was getting into it too.. Oh well, let's wrap this gift up.
Santa gives "Skyrim" 3 HO HO HO's! out of 5.
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