By Nicholas Lives
After reading Kaylen Thomas' lovely article about movies to watch on Valentines day, (and if you haven't already, be sure to click on that link) a thought had occurred to me: Valentine's day is nice and all if you're in a relationship or if you have a date that day, but what about the single people? Or as I like to call them, "Free Swingers."
Free Swingers, as a general rule, usually don't give a crap about Valentine's day. And make no mistake here people, not all Free Swingers are single because they are incapable of getting a date, a lot of them are single because they choose to be.
Not being single myself, I can respect that choice. Thus, I have decided to create this shiny new list of movies just for you Free Swingers out there:
The TOP 10 Anti-Valentine's Day Movies to Watch on Valentine's Day
NOTE: Titles marked with * symbol are rated R.
10.* My Bloody Valentine - This is a Valentine's movie like no other. Originally created during the "Holiday Slasher" horror movie phase of the 80's (Others including Halloween, Black Christmas, April Fools Day, etc.), this movie is just what it says on the tin: A bloody horror film about a guy who goes around pick-axe-ing people on Valentine's Day.
9. * Misery - On the other side of the horror spectrum, here we have a psychological thriller penned by the ever-scary Stephen King. When a famous romance-novelist gets in a car crash, he is rescued by his "Number One Fan," who later reveals herself to be completely psychotic.
8. Little Shop of Horrors - Although this is a musical, which many people may find unappealing, it's good to remember that this is a musical that stars a Man-Eating Plant, an Evil Dentist who takes much pleasure in his work, and some shrimp with big glasses. How can you go wrong?
7. The Producers - Speaking of things going wrong, here's a movie about a Broadway producer set on making the worst musical ever! What better way to celebrate your hatred for Valentine's day than to sing along to the infamous ending song about convicts: "Prisoners of Love?"
6. * Army of Darkness - This is all you need to know about this movie.
5. * Shaun of the Dead - It's a romantic comedy, but with zombies. If smacking zombies to the beat of Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now," doesn't get your inner-geek jumping in excitement, you need to lower your entertainment standards.
4. Return of the Killer Tomatoes - Speaking of low standards, I hope yours are pretty low, lest you not be able to enjoy this wacky comedy where a man falls in love with a tomato.
3. Twilight (Put on Mute) - With sound on, this film is just another corny romance with bad dialog, but turn the sound off, and suddenly it becomes a hilarious series of creepy gazes, accompanied by you and your friends' own custom dialog. Great fun, people.
2. * Drive Angry - This gem of a film fell under the radar when it released in theaters in 2010, but those who did see it will never forget this action-packed explosion-fest that involved an angry Nicholas Cage trying to escape his fate in hell by driving fast and breaking things. Oh yeah, and there's also a female sidekick. So I guess that makes it Valentine's Day related.
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World- Unlike most of the films on this list, this one actually is about a guy trying to get a girlfriend. But unlike most romance-comedies, this film is actually fun to watch. Scott Pilgrim wants to date the mysterious Ramona Flowers, but before he can, he must defeat her seven evil ex's. Never will you see so much awesome packed into one film. Possibly the first romance film that doesn't make you puke, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is up there with Star Wars on films you MUST see before you die.
After reading Kaylen Thomas' lovely article about movies to watch on Valentines day, (and if you haven't already, be sure to click on that link) a thought had occurred to me: Valentine's day is nice and all if you're in a relationship or if you have a date that day, but what about the single people? Or as I like to call them, "Free Swingers."
Free Swingers, as a general rule, usually don't give a crap about Valentine's day. And make no mistake here people, not all Free Swingers are single because they are incapable of getting a date, a lot of them are single because they choose to be.
Not being single myself, I can respect that choice. Thus, I have decided to create this shiny new list of movies just for you Free Swingers out there:
The TOP 10 Anti-Valentine's Day Movies to Watch on Valentine's Day
NOTE: Titles marked with * symbol are rated R.
10.* My Bloody Valentine - This is a Valentine's movie like no other. Originally created during the "Holiday Slasher" horror movie phase of the 80's (Others including Halloween, Black Christmas, April Fools Day, etc.), this movie is just what it says on the tin: A bloody horror film about a guy who goes around pick-axe-ing people on Valentine's Day.
9. * Misery - On the other side of the horror spectrum, here we have a psychological thriller penned by the ever-scary Stephen King. When a famous romance-novelist gets in a car crash, he is rescued by his "Number One Fan," who later reveals herself to be completely psychotic.
8. Little Shop of Horrors - Although this is a musical, which many people may find unappealing, it's good to remember that this is a musical that stars a Man-Eating Plant, an Evil Dentist who takes much pleasure in his work, and some shrimp with big glasses. How can you go wrong?
7. The Producers - Speaking of things going wrong, here's a movie about a Broadway producer set on making the worst musical ever! What better way to celebrate your hatred for Valentine's day than to sing along to the infamous ending song about convicts: "Prisoners of Love?"
6. * Army of Darkness - This is all you need to know about this movie.
5. * Shaun of the Dead - It's a romantic comedy, but with zombies. If smacking zombies to the beat of Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now," doesn't get your inner-geek jumping in excitement, you need to lower your entertainment standards.
4. Return of the Killer Tomatoes - Speaking of low standards, I hope yours are pretty low, lest you not be able to enjoy this wacky comedy where a man falls in love with a tomato.
3. Twilight (Put on Mute) - With sound on, this film is just another corny romance with bad dialog, but turn the sound off, and suddenly it becomes a hilarious series of creepy gazes, accompanied by you and your friends' own custom dialog. Great fun, people.
2. * Drive Angry - This gem of a film fell under the radar when it released in theaters in 2010, but those who did see it will never forget this action-packed explosion-fest that involved an angry Nicholas Cage trying to escape his fate in hell by driving fast and breaking things. Oh yeah, and there's also a female sidekick. So I guess that makes it Valentine's Day related.
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World- Unlike most of the films on this list, this one actually is about a guy trying to get a girlfriend. But unlike most romance-comedies, this film is actually fun to watch. Scott Pilgrim wants to date the mysterious Ramona Flowers, but before he can, he must defeat her seven evil ex's. Never will you see so much awesome packed into one film. Possibly the first romance film that doesn't make you puke, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is up there with Star Wars on films you MUST see before you die.
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